Surviving the New Year’s Eve Party.

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There are certain rules in life that I like to observe. The first is to read the instructions even if you don’t follow them, the second is to say, “I can’t stay long I’m afraid”, to any family event I go to and the last and most important is “never have a New Year’s Eve party in your own house”.  There is a very good reason for that last one if only because there is a real chance that your carpet is going to be utterly ruined as the revellers parade outside into the garden for the mandatory conga that happens at ten minutes past twelve. It is one of the reasons why I have a Cheltenham Carpet Cleaning Company one speed dial. You can find one at if you need one.

The conga line is usually started by someone who secretly despises you. They’ve been there since eight thirty seven making passive aggressive comments about your homes décor all evening like, “oh, so you’ve gone for THAT colour in the lounge I see”, or “hum, that’s a very, very brave choice for that sofa, it’s not what I would choose”, and now they are up and leading the line back out from the raised beds through the living room and out the front door waving to others to join them whilst casually knocking things off the shelves as they go.

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There is a way to avoid all of this in the future (not being friends with that person being the first thing) and that is to never have a party in your house. Of course, sometimes you don’t have a choice like it is your turn to host it perhaps, but there are several steps you can take to protect your home.

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  1. Lay down a protective mat. You can buy plastic ones to cover the main traffic areas.
  2. Remove all breakables from the room where the party will be held. It might take a while to wrap them all up but at least you’ll know that there is no chance Aunty Joan will “accidently” tip that Clarice Clift plate she was using for the sausages rolls onto the patio.
  3. Only use plastic plates and cups. Saves on washing and breakages.
  4. Make up a fake noise abatement society notices that you’ve received. “Sorry everyone, no conga this year. It’s not my fault it’s the councils”.
  5. Lock the doors, turn out the lights and hide behind the sofa and hope they’ll go away.


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